1. The Gates of Horn and Ivory are Closing!
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My H&I Log-In and Blog-In

Discussion in 'Metropolis' started by Umaeril, Jul 7, 2012.


The Gates of Horn and Ivory

Two Gates the silent House of Sleep adorn; Of polish'd Iv'ry this, that of transparent Horn:
True Visions thro' transparent Horn arise; Thro' polish'd Iv'ry pass deluding Lies.

  1. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    Oh my, that is actually pretty heavy. I am sorry to hear that you have no good memories. Perhaps there is some way you can put her to rest too, but in your own way.
     
  2. Crazy Dave Number 23

    Crazy Dave Number 23 Methodless Madness Staff Member

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    Thank you, Umar. <23
     
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  3. Crazy Dave Number 23

    Crazy Dave Number 23 Methodless Madness Staff Member

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    That was a mistype, but, had to keep the 23. :bounce2:
     
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  4. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. I'm just not saying anything. I don't trust myself to keep it civil, and I'd rather just not deal with dad's family anyways, so I'm just not saying anything at all.
     
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  5. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Dude yeah that's pretty much where I'm at.
     
  6. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    Good job. There is no reason to feel any pressure to express yourself on this. Sometimes keeping silent says much more. :sadnod:
     
  7. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. I was trying to think of some way to express sympathy to the family, while dancing around what a terrible person she was to me, but I'm suddenly feeling a lot less generous so I've scrapped the idea.
     
  8. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    I think that may be the best approach.
     
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  9. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. I'm friends with very few members of his family on facebook, like somewhere between 5-8, and most of them don't really post anyways, so I only had to hide maybe a handful of posts. So honestly even if I HAD said something, it would have reached very few in the end, so ultimately not a whole lot of point to it. And as terrible as a person as she was in life, I do hope, wherever she is now, she's at peace. Sometimes when I talk about my dad, I say that evil people aren't born, they're created. And the same is true for her. She had a fucking awful life growing up, like they all did, and ultimately she wasn't strong enough to rise above it. She might have been a terrible person, but I don't wish that kind of suffering on anyone either. Sigh.
     
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  10. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Like the only good things I can really say about my life growing up was I wasn't physically or sexually abused. Unfortunately dad and his siblings can't even say that. Ultimately though, we're the only ones that can save ourselves, and, unfortunately, not everyone is strong enough to rise above it. But that also doesn't mean I have to put up with the toxic shit they spewed in my direction when I was growing up, because I have that same choice. It's tragic what happened, but she never sought help, and refused the efforts of people trying to help her, and that's on her. And this also applies to dad. I know it's gonna fuck me up when he goes, because that will also be the end of a chance to reconcile and actually have a dad, but I also know I can't change him and I can't force him to get help, and I'm also not going to beat myself up over it either.
     
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  11. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    I agree that people have to change themselves. It comes from within. If your dad is going to continue to be that way then there is no reconciliation possible. I think you are being true to your heart and yourself. I think also it is a good thing you can allow yourself to evolve how you feel too, that is really important. These are not easy subjects, you are talking about your family and how abuse affected them and in turn how that affects you and what you do and how you feel abou tthe world and your own immediate family, child, etc. It is complexity upon complexity. But you have a good head on your shoulders.
     
  12. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. It's definitely not been easy, but at least I'm trying. He never really has, and I doubt he ever will. Even if he does , though, too much has happened for me to cross that bridge again. It's not worth it. And at least I have therapy to help me out.

    Speaking of therapy, mom is finally in therapy. She's needed it a long time, but it's only now she's been able to find someone. As well as she's been doing I'm sure she still has a lot of issues too, so I'm really glad to see her get the chance to work on them.
     
  13. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    So long story very very short; six-eight weeks ago (around the time I was placed on my new antipsychotic) my blood sugars spiked. So I raised my insulin, but my endocrinologist threw a fit and won't see me now. He "graciously" granted me a months supply of the new dose, AFTER I went to the ER for an emergency prescription,which was AFTER the office closed, but he also more or less said he doesn't want to see me again. You know, without offering to set me up with someone else or make sure I had any kind of care in place whatsoever. So today I called and reported his ass. And the report is getting sent to his manager. I don't want to see him fired, because there is such a doctor shortage here it would screw over a lot of people. But I AM hoping he gets written up. Ugh.

    So I have two months, give or take, to find other care. Which might mean finding a primary care who will let me adjust the dose as needed and just write the prescription since getting in down here in a timely fashion is dicey at best. Like if I'm lucky, I'll get in to see my current primary care in a week. If I'm not lucky, it'll take 3-4. And anyways I'm thinking, after this latest debacle (which could have killed me) that I just need to find care elsewhere. I'm not getting the care I need where I am, so I think it's time to move on.
     
  14. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    It is a good thing you reported him for there are laws about abandoning patients, it is not allowed. I hope you can find good care, all the best with that. I feel for you.
     
  15. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. Yeah that's exactly why I reported him. He tried to phrase it to put it on me ("I suggest finding care closer to you") but I'm not an idiot and I know what he s ACTUALLY saying, and he did nothing to help me find said help closer, probably because he knows it doesn't exist. Ugh. Incompetent jerk. Anyways patient services took it VERY seriously, which yeah they need to. Ugh.
     
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  16. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    Glad they took it seriously!
     
  17. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    So I had to report him again. Sigh. He had his nurse call and say the same damn thing. They (patient services) offered to find me a new doctor though at least.
     
  18. edokitty

    edokitty meow baby

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    Hey Dave. What work do you do in the restaurant? What type of restaurant is it?
     
  19. edokitty

    edokitty meow baby

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    I hope you can get surgery soon.
     
  20. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. Hopefully yeah.
     

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