Sorry!

Discussion in 'Metropolis' started by Chris, Aug 24, 2018.


The Gates of Horn and Ivory

Two Gates the silent House of Sleep adorn; Of polish'd Iv'ry this, that of transparent Horn:
True Visions thro' transparent Horn arise; Thro' polish'd Iv'ry pass deluding Lies.

  1. Chris

    Chris Forever and One Staff Member

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    Sorry about The Gates being inaccessible for the past couple of weeks, the hosting came due and then a great deal has gone wrong in my personal life that made it near impossible to get near a computer in order to make the payment (and thanks, @Umaeril ). We're back up now, hopefully without issues moving forward.

    I should point out that I do have plans to migrate everything over to a different server to make things run a little better and to shed an extra payment during a relatively difficult time. Hopefully you won't notice the transition as it should be a case of just uploading a database to the new server, making some DNS changes and voila, good to go. Nothing will change in terms of the domain name or the url to access the site, it'll just be a change in hardware and hopefully performance.

    But again, sorry for letting things drag on that long with the downtime! Hopefully we never have to deal with that again.
     
  2. 21007

    21007 Member

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    588
    Dare I wonder what is going on with you?
     
  3. Chris

    Chris Forever and One Staff Member

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    Without getting too specific -- a lot.

    Well...ok...I'm losing my mother to dementia / Alzheimer's, so slowly but surely I'm watching her fade away in front of my eyes (I'm her sole caregiver because I lost my job a while back and started taking care of her and it's just become the full time thing because no one else has time and I must be able to do it because I'm unemployed and useless [that's another thing]). I'm also in constant pain from a leg infection (MRSA coupled with Lymphadema) that I've had for at least four months at this point and nothing the doctors have done is working, I also got a call confirming from my most recent biopsy (because those are SO FUN they just had to do another one) that there's a secondary infection, but I won't find out specifics until I goto my appointment on Tuesday because my doctor wants to talk in person about it, so that sounds just awesome. I've also found out my kidneys are starting to deteriorate as a result of the progression of my diabetes (Type 1, diagnosed age 11) and there's little that seems to be doable, though I am now on a new drug to help slow down the progression, and to top all of that off I'm destitute, making it difficult to pay my bills and putting me on the verge of homelessness several times so far. I'm upside down on my car, my credit cards, my utility bills and having hard time keeping my mother going with food and drinks to keep her happy and balanced (as much as possible), so it's not exactly been a fun go of things recently. I'm not saying this for sympathy or to elicit a reaction, just pointing out why things have been a bit...iffy...from me of late, which made it difficult for me to pay the hosting prior to me posting that message. Things are still iffy, but I'm doing what I can to muddle through.

    Sorry for rambling, I didn't mean to get into all of that, it just sort of came out.
     
  4. 21007

    21007 Member

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    588
    Jeez and I thought I had bad luck with health. I can certainly see why it'd be hard if you aren't employed, and you have the eternal poverty generator of car payments and credit cards going on too. Though I don't think it's good to say you're useless. It's just not a good mindset. Unemployed, sure. Useless, not so much. I mean you're taking care of someone, your mum, would they be okay without you?

    Either way, it's not wrong to talk about it. I did ask anyway. Not that I can realistically do anything to help. Besides maybe offer some advice on specific things. Then again I'm pretty sure I'm younger and not exactly that experienced with all that which life can throw at you, so advice of dubious usefulness perhaps.
     
  5. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    It is not wrong to ask or to talk about it. We all face some harrowing issues in life and some are going to seem or even be insurmountable. The least we can do is listen and sympathize. :)

    Chris, I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles. I wish I had something to say which would help your situation. Let's continue our discussion in PM.
     
  6. Chris

    Chris Forever and One Staff Member

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    1,575
    Fair point, I've just never been one to open up to many people about the bad things happening in my life, I'd rather try to get through it and move back to the good parts.

    True, she would be a bit lost if I weren't here, and my family would be scrambling to find care for her without me, but the eternal pessimist side in me that's had oh so much practice of late can't help but see situations like this as me being of little use. I suppose at the end of the day I use the self deprecating part of me to motivate myself a bit more to try and fix things, but it comes across as being whining or even a bit crass in how people read it? It's a bad habit I should probably stop :D.

    I do appreciate you both reading and offering advice, thank you for that :).
     
  7. 21007

    21007 Member

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    588
    Mm, I wouldn't say it sounds whiny or crass necessarily, but the problem with self depreciation is that unless it's done in a humorous context, it can end up being something that people will believe. I think it's a dangerous game to play.
    Pessimism in general is something I don't think is a good idea, it can put you in a mindset where you don't think about all the options you have and end up just being in the same situation forever.
     
  8. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    I am in agreement with 21007, but I wonder if that is because I am not threatened by anything right at this time? I can think of some situations where I would be pessimistic. There are no easy answers in life. I used to think there were. As the decades go by, I begin to comprehend more and more my luck or ill-luck. I know nothing is really safe. I know I will disperse. I am one pendulum's swing, from my hazy start to my unknown end. There is no controlling the winds of Fate which come along and influence my traverse, making my path either difficult or not.
     
  9. 21007

    21007 Member

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    588
    Well, life is rarely simple or easy. I think it's pretty safe to say, however, that being pessimistic about it is just going to make it that much harder. Don't get me wrong, whenever I'm relying on luck I am extremely pessimistic about the outcome but I do it anyway if it's the best option I got in hopes that I'm wrong.
    Though maybe you're right in questioning whether it's because nothing is really threatening you - because I'm in the same position. It's easy to say pessimism is not good when you have no real reason to be pessimistic.
     
  10. Entervixen

    Entervixen Well-Known Member

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    1,336
    I'm really pessimistic right now but I've got a lot of bad stuff going on and its affecting my mental and physical health. But having said that I tend towards it as a general symptom of depression/bipolar disorder, and it's hard to separate all of it sometimes.
     
  11. Umaeril

    Umaeril -o-}}}X{{{-o- Staff Member

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    Well Vixen that directly relates to what 21007 said above, that life is rarely simple or easy. A lot of the things that humans deal with are complex. On this very board I used to give out a lot of what I thought were suitable options to a variety of issues, i.e. "advice". But the fact of the matter is that life is not fair. We were each blessed with a different set of coping skills which are not always reliable. We face situations unheard of in the history of our species. Sadly a generation is evolving curled around their phones, hoping only for someone to take care of them and otherwise leave them alone to their social media of choice.

    Ultimately, I do not think we can exist as we are now. There are far too many people, likely this world would do well and be very active and happy with no more than half a billion. We need to get to a place where we realize how local we are to this planet and respect that.

    Anyhow I am rambling. The topic had changed to pessimism and to address 21007's valid point that pessimism makes things harder, I agree pretty much. Yes, I think you are right. Using hope as a tool to put vigor into your efforts, to give things a chance you might otherwise not have, then hope becomes the driving force of much of survival. I will leave it here as I am tired and prone to unproductive tangential thought. :)
     

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